Masks

Have you ever been around someone who has such a strong presence that you find yourself really drawn to them, but also want to run away from them? They remain fully present in the moment and are able to see all people so clearly that you begin to see yourself with more clarity just by being with them. I have been blessed with such a person entering my life. At first it was extremely uncomfortable to be around and I had many failed attempts at avoiding it. I came to realize that I was just avoiding myself. I learned to embrace the energy and dig deeper into my reactions. I am so grateful that I did. By muddling through it, I am returning to the core of who I really am.

I have not completed this journey, I have a long way to go. I have so many masks that I have allowed people to place on me, and some I’ve placed on myself. I’m ready to be fully true to myself and by doing so, I hope to inspire other people to do the same. I am growing and healing towards happiness, letting go of the pain of repeatedly letting myself down. I am working on healing the holes left by the cleansing of my false self. I am in the process of letting go of people pleasing, letting go of trying, pushing and forcing to make things happen. There is a natural order to all things and I am gently stepping into that. I’m moving out of trying and into being. I have the strength to let my beauty shine through just for me, not for the need to please or impress other people. When I think of how many times I have made a complete and total ass of myself by trying to be what I thought other people wanted me to be, I am a little sickened by it. As I reflect on my behavior further, I am finding it quite hilarious. By trying to fit in, trying to be accepted, trying to fake my strength to impress other people, I actually was denying myself true strength. I also denied myself true acceptance and unconditional love. I am nearing a point of self-acceptance and as I get closer, the opinions of other people matter less.

By dropping all of the masks, I am allowing my true strength and beauty to come through. I am still adjusting to my new skin, but it feels great to just be myself. As uncomfortable as this process has been, it is still my wish for everyone out there to have someone come into their life that will trigger all of their unhealed parts in order for their masks to come off. Maybe that person is already in your life, you are just not recognizing it. It took me awhile to see it too. I learned to embrace the discomfort and wake up to what my reactions were trying to tell me. By doing so, I have begun to pay attention to my reactions to people, recognize the triggers, and work towards healing myself.

It is a great feeling to finally like myself, to not worry about living up to other people’s expectations of what or who I should be. There is great freedom in letting go of wondering what the bitter hearts think of who I am or what I am doing in my life.