Honoring Myself

I was feeling like my sole purpose in life was to make sure the laundry was done and dinner was on the table by 5:30. I had become lonely, unfulfilled and mad at myself for allowing it to happen. It was not what I wanted for my life, but it had crept in like a slow moving Wisconsin morning fog. I had been sleeping and woke up to find I had been completely smothered by it.

As I loaded the washer for the fifth time that day, I felt like screaming, "This is not who I am!" I wanted to be angry at my family for doing this to me, but I knew I had done it to myself. For years I have been telling people that you teach people how to treat you, but I had failed to see how that applied to me. I was too busy reading my endless to-do list to see the fog rolling in. I repeatedly lied to myself with the promise that as soon as I finished one more load of laundry, I would make some time for me.

I became more withdrawn and automated, going through the motions of life without actually living in it. My resentment grew, my self-worth didn't. I was crying out for help in an empty forest. I knew something needed to change. I had tried to change things before with a few short-lived results. I needed to do something different this time. My life depended on it.

I found myself standing in front of my bookshelf, scanning the titles of self-help books. I have read so many over the years that I could have fixed my life 100 times over. Why was it not fixed yet? Apparently, I was doing something wrong. I pulled out You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I had read this before, but didn't keep up the work long enough for any major results. So I started again.

I began with the affirmation; I love and accept myself just as I am. I began saying it to myself in the mirror every morning. I forced myself to look into my own eyes. If I glanced away, I would start over and repeat it until I could maintain eye contact. Over the next few weeks, I added my own affirmations. I started meditating. I noticed people treating me better. Good things are coming to me. I have a sense of purpose that is far beyond household chores. I am healing from the inside out.

I honor myself and what I want. When I look back on the last 41 years of my life, I see how the majority of the problems I encountered were directly caused by me not honoring myself. Now that I am learning to, I greet each day with open arms and am excited to see how the rest of my life unfolds.