Healing My Life Without Getting Out of Bed

I have always been the sort of woman that runs herself ragged trying to get things done, always busy, always doing, pushing, making, trying. My to-do lists are longer than most novels, and if I get something scratched off the list, I just add more. It occurred to me that I was getting my sense of value from the length of my to-do list. While it's great that I am so motivated, it sucks that I am too tired to enjoy my accomplishments.

I was not where I wanted to be in life and with all of the work I had been doing, I should have seen better results. Maybe I was just trying too hard. What I was doing was not working, so I stopped. I needed a restful place to heal my weary body and life. I purchased a really great bed that I absolutely love! I added a super comfy mattress that promotes healthy, restful sleep. (Both of these items can be found at Haiku Designs.) My personal favorite is the Raku bed and the natural latex mattress. I added a silk comforter and a Yokohama floor lamp (also from haiku designs.) I found a vibrant duvet cover at Crate and Barrel.

I created my perfect retreat and added tools that are helping me transform my life. The first thing, an absolute necessity as far as I'm concerned, is You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Since my attention span is a tad on the deficient side, I also needed some meditation tools to help me stay focused during meditation. I grew tired of spending hours meditating, only to discover the only thing I managed to do was think of 27 more ways to rearrange the living room. The CD's that work best for me are by Kelly Howell. The writer/artist in me needed some creative space so I added my collection of books by SARK, a journal and some brightly colored pens and pencils. Who better to heal with than the queen of fun, joy, and of course, naps!

I love spending time in my retreat. If I notice myself getting tired or irritable, I immediately go lie down and do a meditation. Within 40 minutes, I am refreshed, inspired and feel great. I love that I am discovering how to relax on purpose. I am nourishing my body, mind and spirit.

I found out that I was avoiding rest because I thought I was being lazy, or if I got too much sleep it was because I was depressed. If I slept in, it was because I was in denial and using sleep as a way to avoid my life. My perspective shifted. I now view resting as a way to rejuvenate my spirit, nurture myself and heal. My time spent in solitude and quiet is very productive. I gain fresh perspective and am able to take clear, inspired action instead of running around like a crazy woman without a map. I am finally able to get out of bed for things that are worth getting out of bed for.

Circles

During meditation, I frequently see bright green misty clouds floating through the field of my minds' eye. I've always thought they had something to do with healing energies. They come through in various shapes and sizes, drifting by looking a little lost, like a spiritual version of retinal detachments. There is never a pattern or picture, they are just all over the place. I figured that was how they were supposed to be.

I have been working on healing myself consistently asking God, the angels and spirit guides for help, and devoting time to daily meditation. I had a cellular healing session a few weeks ago (if you've never had one, I highly recommend it.) My best friend just completed her C.Ht training and I felt compelled to try it. The results were amazing! I could feel a shift in me, a positive shift that I knew would bring me closer to the wholeness I am seeking. I have continued to do some self-hypnosis work and deeper meditations.

I have spent most of my life running in circles, going nowhere. I have repeated the same situations over and over. Events would come back around so I could learn the lesson again. I would make some progress in my life, then get knocked back in time to repeat something I thought I had already fixed. It's a real shame that I can't find a school that offers a Ph.D in self sabotage. I've always wanted some important initials at the end of my name and I found out that putting Rae Crow, ADhD on my business cards was not a sound business decision.

I wanted to break this pattern and I know only way to break the cycle is to heal the core issue. I realized that while doing all of this healing work, I should also change my perspective about circles. I thought about them and how they are a natural part of life. I remembered all of the positive aspects of circles, the earth, circles of friends, the rings of a tree, the medicine wheel, astrological charts...all of these positive influences are based around the circle.

During my mediation today, I saw the most amazing thing happen. All of the green misty clouds began to form a ring. They came floating by, but were magnetized to joining the circle and causing it to expand. Once the ring was whole, a beautiful purple cloud appeared in the center of the green circle. Tears of gratitude came from the depths of my soul and escaped from my eyes. I felt like I had called home all of the shattered parts of myself and became whole again.

Now that I have all of me to work with and I am not all over the place, I can expand my circle. It reminds me of The Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson. I read it years ago and I guess I'm finally ready to enlarge my territory.